Forever 21 = LOVE.

I've mentioned before that I'm not a very fashionable lady. normally, I wear a tee shirt, jeans, and flip flops. occasionally, I throw on a cute pair of earrings for good measure, but until recently, I never really gave a shit about what I wore. I've started to pick up more trendy and fashionable items, but also some things that will last me a long time. 

normally, I wear a lot of black and grey, but I've been trying to find some colorful pieces to add to my wardrobe, and I always have my jewelry selection in the back of my mind when finding tops and shoes to coordinate. 

to add to my recent purchases I made back in May, I did a little online shopping at Forever 21 last week, so I thought I'd share my purchases. also, I got free shipping for spending over $75, but I'm not sure if they're still running that promotion. anyway, on to the loot!

 Satin Sequin Top - $22.80

I love the colors and print, and it'll look great paired with straight jeans or leggings. 

Jersey Lotus Top - $17.80

again, I love the colors and the pattern, but I especially love the back of this top. 

Striped Ribbed Tank - $4.50

nothing special, just something to wear around the house or under a cardigan.

Mock Two Piece Tunic - $22.80

now I know I didn't stray from the black on this one, but I love the thick stripe and the changing from vertical to horizontal. and the belt is pretty cute too. 

Ruffled Suedette Thong Sandals - $18.80

I cannot tell you how much I love these sandals. I love the ruffle and the slight heel, and the color is the perfect neutral to wear with just about anything. 

Sydney Sandals - $16.80

I've never owned a pair of yellow sandals before, so these should be interesting. luckily, I have quite a few tops with bits of yellow, so I'll have plenty to pair them with.

Cutout Woven Belt - $6.80

I can't remember the last time I wore a belt, but I love this one and think it would look great over a loose tank or tunic.

Chain Maille Ring - $3.80

I don't wear rings too often, but I couldn't pass this one up. I love the shimmer and the links!

so there you have it - my new clothes and accessories that are sitting inside my entryway as we speak (err... type). I saw them there this morning and cussed Sean for not telling me they arrived yesterday! I love the tops I picked up, and can't wait to wear them! they'll look even better when I lose this weight and can fit into my old size 7 jeans that I loved so much. and yes, I'm still holding on to them in hopes that my ass will grace them once again in the future.

Happy Wednesday!

and I don't mean with a P-H.

I am SO over feeling being fat.
I'm tired of not being able to find clothes that fit (and flatter) me.
I'm really fucking sick of seeing my arms in tank tops.

I hate looking at old pictures of myself and seeing how skinny & healthy I used to be.
I am no longer going to justify by weight by saying "oh, it's okay... I'm tall, so it evens out."
I refuse to move up to plus size clothing, when I know I can lose it.
I don't weigh myself in order to avoid disappointment.

these feelings are so different for me. my entire life, I was the tall girl... the tall girl who was super skinny. the girl who never had to watch what she ate, or god forbid, work out in a gym. the girl who had trouble finding clothes that were small enough, but still long enough to fit her long legs. the girl who was never, ever self conscious of her body, because she didn't have a reason to be. the girl who proudly flaunted a bikini and had never experienced the dreaded love handles she would wear only a few years later.

three years ago, when I met my husband, I was happy at a slim 130lbs. I wasn't as skinny as I was when I was 18 years old, but I had some curves and an ass that wouldn't quit. I was still the confident girl I used to be... just a few pounds heavier. a couple years of my metabolism slowing down lead me to finally be in the "normal" weight range for my height, instead of being underweight like I was my whole life. throughout our relationship, I gained a few pounds here and there, but it was always easy for me to keep it off. I'd change my eating habits for a couple months and slim back down to my comfortable 130.

I found that as time went on, it was harder and harder to keep the weight off. I got up to about 160lbs before my wedding, and I knew there was no way in hell I was going to fit in my wedding dress if I kept that weight on. I decided to join a gym... which is one thing I've never had to do. I lost a good amount of weight before the wedding, and I dropped the pounds fast - I worked out with a trainer, lessened my portions of food, and ate extremely healthy. I met my goal and fit into my wedding dress without a hitch - I looked good on the day of the wedding, and more importantly, I FELT good. I felt so unbelievably healthy and I had so much energy.

the wedding came and went, and before I knew it, I went back to my old eating habits. it's not like I was eating like a pig and scarfing down everything I could get my hands on either - I was simply eating what I wanted to, and not giving a damn. and wouldn't you know it... those pounds crept up quicker than they ever had before. I surpassed my previous "at-my-biggest" mark of 160lbs in no time, and it wasn't a feat I was proud of.

I joined the gym a couple months back. I went a couple times a week for about 3 weeks and gave up. I wasn't seeing immediate results, which leaded to a sense of discouragement. I've always been able to slim down so quickly, and it just wasn't happening this time around. I never imagined I would struggle with my weight like I have... never in a million years.

today, I weigh a hefty 188lbs, and I AM DONE.
there is no possible way I will allow myself to live like this any longer. I want to be healthy again. I want to get pregnant one day and give birth to a healthy child. I want to go on hikes and be adventurous with my husband. I want to make good choices that will allow me to live longer and enjoy my family.

so I took that gym membership and I made the most of it. our gym employs degree holding personal trainers who will work with you to get closer to your goals. Sean called them last week and booked a personal trainer for me - for 12 sessions. that's 12 hours of hard, sweat producing workouts, and I couldn't be more ecstatic. I met with my trainer for the first time last night, and I love her. she asked me what my goal was, to which I replied, "to not be fat anymore." I told her my story and how I've never had to work hard to lose weight, and how fast I've gained it - I mean think about it. I have gained a solid SIXTY POUNDS since I met my husband. sixty motherfucking pounds. who does that? who lets that happen in a period of three years?

anyway. so we met, and she showed me the best things to do to drop the pounds, and she demonstrated how to work all the different machines. she worked me hard. at times, I felt like I was either going to pass out or throw up... or both... but it was worth it. she pushed me past my own limits and made me sweat. if you weren't aware, I have a real aversion to sweating... I don't know why, I just don't LIKE it. and she made it happen. she had me doing sprints on the elliptical and walking an 8.0 incline on the treadmill. I worked my chest muscles, my back muscles, my leg muscles, my arm muscles. and apparently she has me working all kinds of muscles I didn't even know I had, given the many sore spots I have today. when the session was over and I was done stretching, we scheduled my next three appointments, and I am actually looking forward to walking in that gym on Thursday, knowing I'll be sweating my ass off. 

I don't really know what the point of this post was. I guess I just wanted to have some kind of proof that I am indeed motivated, and that I'm ready to say goodbye to those 60lbs I've gained. they've overstayed their welcome, and it's time for them to get the fuck out. I know there are so many women out there that struggle with weight, and some have it much worse than I've had it. and sometimes, you just need a little shove in the right direction. in no means did I want this post to be a "woe is me" type deal... I just wanted to share my experience. my journey isn't over yet, and I know it will continue to be a constant battle that I'll have to deal with for the rest of my life. I know that some days I won't be as motivated as I feel tonight, and that's okay. I know that I have to work hard to get my body to look that way I want, and I cannot wait.

I'm ready to be motivated.
I look forward to feeling healthy and having more energy.
I'm excited to find clothes that aren't size large or double digits.
I want to look at pictures of me that were taken at this time, and shake my head in disbelief of how big I was.
I can't wait to wear a two piece, and rock it.
I want to be happy with sharing my weight with others.

I WILL be that confident girl I was not too long ago, and I'll make sure that girl never leaves again.

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I also wanted to note that we don't really eat too unhealthy in our household - we grill a lot of chicken, eat multi-grain pasta, and cook a lot of vegetables. I'm staying away from fried and greasy foods, and I've cut myself back to one soda a day... the rest of the day, I drink nothing but water or juice. I didn't mention this in the main part of the post because this is already something I've been working on the last couple weeks, and I wanted to highlight that working out and burning calories is my main hardship when it comes to weight loss. so, I'm not just sitting around eating bonbons and expecting to lose weight by working out a few times a week. :)

cha-ching!

I decided to take the plunge and buy myself an early Christmas present. well, I guess I shouldn't call it that, because I'm asking for an accessory for it as a Christmas gift. I guess I should label it as a "I'm-an-awesome-wife-because-I-let-my-husband-buy-a-new-truck" present.

I've been using a point and shoot camera for years now, and while I love my camera and am mostly satisfied with the picture quality, I wanted something a little more professional that I can call my own. I wanted something that would be compatible to my beginner status, and something that I could learn quickly.

So, like the smart shopper that I am, I did some research, figured out what exactly I wanted (that was within the budget I set for myself), what features were important to me, and prepared a few options to present to my lovely husband... in hopes that he would agree with the one I secretly wanted that would work best for us.

I knew I wanted a digital SLR camera. I knew I wanted either a Nikon or a Canon, since those are the top two brands when it comes to professional cameras (especially for beginners). I used CNET to compare two different models, the Canon Rebel XS and the Nikon D3000 (both beginner cameras), and also browsed through extensive reviews at Digital SLR Guide, Sears, and Best Buy's websites. They are pretty much neck and neck when it comes to the specs, so the big aspect that won me over was the fact that Canon cameras are compatible to more lenses than just Canon, and Canon brand lenses tend to run cheaper than Nikon ones. Nikon cameras can only use Nikon brand lenses, which are quite expensive. this wasn't just a matter of price though. I had quite a few people tell me they recommended the Canon (thank youuuu, Lindsey!) over the Nikon just based on the fact that it's easier to use. and because my point & shoot is a Canon, it shouldn't be too difficult to learn the new camera and functions. 

So I sent Sean the links, and he agreed that the Canon would be the best option for what I was looking for. I don't want to become a professional photographer, I just want to take excellent pictures. I want to capture our lives in a clearer way that I've been able to do so with my old Canon for the past couple years. I wanted to make sure I invested in a great camera before our trip to the beach this August, before the cruise to the Western Caribbean in January, and before the baby fever develops into the non-birth control taking MandeeFoFandee, and before I get knocked up.

I looked at Sears, Best Buy, Amazon, and a few others places to purchase my new toy, and found that Amazon had the best price, as well as the best warranty for the lowest price, which covers the camera in case of spills or drops... which is something my clumsy ass will definitely make good use of. 

So. now I'm waiting. not so patiently. I want to PLAY WITH MY CAMERA. but not to worry. I went ahead and found myself a super cute camera bag to house the beaut when I'm not using it or if I need to take it somewhere. and of course, I found it on Etsy. it has lots of compartments to carry extra lenses or whatever else I may need to carry. 

oh, and for Christmas, I'm asking for the 55-250mm telephoto zoom lens from the hubs. or my dad. or whoever will buy it for me. it may be you.

UPDATE: she arrived yesterday (and she's GAWGEOUS!), and because I was so tired from the gym and my first personal training session (stay tuned for THAT story), I didn't take any pictures of her... with her. coming soon!

AND! I got an early anniversary present from the hubs, and it is divine. :)

by the way, this is my 69th post. 

::insert immature 12 year old boy giggles::

MTV's first TJ (if all goes as planned)!

in case you've been living under a rock and haven't discovered the hilarious life that is LiLu of Live It, Love It... I suggest you stop reading this right fucking now and head over to her blog. if you're a fan of poop jokes and cats, like myself, you will not be disappointed. I promise.

to be more specific, you should check out her latest post, in which she reveals that she has been selected by MTV as a contestant for their MTV TJ job. apparently, a TJ is a Twitter Jockey. I have no idea what the job would entail, but LiLu is the funniest blogger I've ever read, and I know damn well she would rock the hell out of that job. 

while you're there, you can go ahead and read every single one of her archives (or the short, sweet, and condensed version) and prepare yourself for the best fit of laughter in your life. 

the voting for the contest will start in a few weeks, and since our goal here is for her to win, I'd love if some of yous guys could take a couple minutes and cast as many votes for her as they allow. if you'd like to see the rest of the contestants (don't even bother), you can head over to the official MTV TJ Search page. but if you'd like to continue laughing at with LiLu, head over to her bio page - and do yourself a favor - watch the video. a million times.

if you'd like to support LiLu even further, feel free to take a badge from her last post as I did, and display her awkwardness proudly. <3

Bear the Distractor & some retro swim gear

I do all the estimating and bidding on projects for my dad's concrete construction business, meaning that I calculate all the concrete needed to complete a commercial job, along with any other materials and labor that are needed. that's my job, that's what I get paid to do. I don't think I've ever mentioned that on here. hmm. weird. 

anyvag, that's how I spend my 40 hour weeks, and occasionally, I have to bring work home with me if I have a tight deadline to work with. my profession often includes set of drawings, or blueprints, or whatever you want to call them. actually, now that I think about it, it ALWAYS does. see, we're old fashioned here at this business, and we don't learn us no fancy computer programs and stuff.

like I was saying, sometimes I have to bring home drawings to work from, and it's not always the easiest task given that I do not have a plan table at home to house the gigantic pieces of paper while I estimate. 

so this is what happens when I try to work from my coffee table. 

I get a frantically excited Bear cub ready to tear up my plans and eat the corners. or just lay there and be annoying and attack my hand every time I try to move his little lanky ass. 

silly little Nugget.

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OH! and also. I ordered myself a new bathing suit for our anniversary trip to the beach in August. we booked an oceanfront condo for the week, and while I'd rather be in Hawaii again, any beach is a good vacation in my eyes. 

given that I've gained a significant amount of weight since I last wore a bathing suit, and am entirely too lazy to get rid of it, I decided to go with a one piece retro style swimsuit. my girlfriend Charity, from the Nest, ordered the same style and had nothing but fab things to say about it. I first found the suit from Kelle Hampton's blog, and it's been on my wish list ever since.

 "The Grace"

so I took the plunge and ordered it. I'm hoping it fits well and is flattering, because it's too cute to have to return. luckily for me, the company pays for return shipping... but if I have to return it, my ass will be buying a throwaway (but possibly still cute) one at Target or Kohl's. they seem to have a good selection as well. 

I'll make sure to post a review when it arrives, since I know these retro 50's style suits are pretty popular this year... especially for us big girls! :) 

Happy Monday!

secret's out!

it's not my secret to share, but I feel compelled to do so anyway.

I'm not letting my own cat out of the bag... this one belongs to my lovely husband. the greatest man I've ever known (besides my papa, of course), my best friend, my semi-handyman, the father of my cats, and the best back-scratcher in the world. 

he is deathly afraid of spiders. I'm talking... won't-even-kill-it-because-he's-too-busy-screaming AFRAID. 

and I must be a horrible wife, because I find it absolutely hysterical that a grown man of 27 years old is SO afraid of little 8-legged creatures.

the other evening, I was taking out the trash, and with the removal of a trash bag, we discovered a pretty big spider. his body was about an inch and a half long, and his leg span easily cleared 3 inches from leg to leg. Sean saw it before I did and flippedthefuckout. I'm not afraid of spiders, as long as they're not touching me. so to give my dear husband a little scare, I touched the spider and made him crawl along the wall. I've never heard a grown man scream so loud in my life. 

I couldn't help but double over in laughter, before crushing the poor thing with my flip flop to relieve Sean of fear and dispose of it's body in the trash bag I was taking to the curb.

am I the only one who takes complete advantage of their loved one's phobias and fears? I would bet not, but I'd love to hear what you think. tell me a story of a time when you scared a man in your life - it could be your husband, brother, dad, boyfriend, etc.

ah-dick-ted.

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I swear I'm alive, but barely. I haven't been sleeping much these days, thanks to a little addiction I've picked up otherwise known as vampire entertainment. yep, I'm one of those, and I'm not ashamed. I can't say that I wish I were a vamp, cause I love the sunlight, but I would sure as hell sleep with one if I weren't married! haha! I read the Twilight series in a matter of 3 weeks last year, and it looks as if I'll be increasing my reading speed and time with the Sookie Stackhouse series.

The husband watches True Blood religiously, and has been since the first season aired. I'd catch bits and pieces of the show while walking through the living room or doing laundry in the bedroom, and every.single.time. I would see it on the TV, it was some raunchy sex scene. I was automatically turned off from the nakedness. now, don't get me wrong, I love nakedness, but if all I'm seeing is tits, I'm not usually interested. it didn't seem to have much of a plot from what I witnessed, and therefore, I vowed to not become a True Blood fan, and have boycotted it ever since.

until now.

I had heard about the Sookie Stackhouse books (the ones from which the show is based) a while back... I guess it was around the time the show aired. but because I hadn't been interested in watching the show, I was pretty sure I wouldn't be a lover of the books either. holy moley, was I wrong. I ordered Dead Until Dark on Amazon on a whim (along with about 6 other books not vampire related), and figured I'd give it a read and if I liked it, I'd order the rest.

let's just say I was finished the book in about 4 days and patiently awaiting the arrival of my next Amazon order, which obviously, could not come soon enough. I was hooked from the first chapter, and a little over a week later, I'm on the third book.

I watched Season 1 of the television series (and am on the third episode of Season 2), and while it's much different than the book, it's wonderful. I was relieved that it was a series revolving around adults, and not teenagers, a la Twilight. the story line is pretty accurate as far as the book is concerned, but there are some pretty big character differences. that's alright with me, cause let's face it, Bill is pretty nice to look at. and now that I know Bill's personality, I don't mind the sex scenes... in fact, I look forward to it cause it makes me all tingly in the nethers.

and you know what makes it even better? that Sookie & Bill are engaged in real life. well, um, Anna & Stephen are getting married in real life. yes, I know I'm late on this news, but it makes me even giddier when I watch the show knowing that they really do love each other, so back off.

it's SO nice to have a book series that I'm actually really interested in reading, and not just turning the pages for the sake of finishing the book. it's been a while since I've picked up a real page turner, and it's a great thing. poor Sean has been ignored for the past week, but I think he understands, since he loves the TV show as much as I love the books. ;)

so anyway, that's where I've been... with my nose in a book!
and for good measure, here are some pictures from the show.

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blogger's block?

I want to write. I LOVE to write. but I can't think of anything to write. the home improvements have been on a bit of a standstill with our summer plans cutting into every single weekend, and I'm kinda giving up on Wedding Wednesdays... not that they require much writing anyway. I've always loved writing, and have always loved making people laugh through my words (or horrible jokes... whatev).

I could post inspiration pictures everyday... I know that I like to see those as a reader of many blogs, but I want to WRITE. I want to put my words on paper and allow others to read them. so that's what I'm going to do. I'm just going to write about daily life and what's on my mind, and no one reads it, I'm okay with that. :)

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let's see... I haven't read anything great lately... book wise, I mean. I started The Time Traveler's Wife a few weeks ago, but I really can't get hooked into it. the dates and all the jumping around between ages is a little irritating, and while it IS entertaining, I can't keep focused long enough to finish it as quickly as I would like to.

I just picked up Chelsea Handler's new book for a lighter read, and it's hilarious so far. of course, being an easier read, I can get through it in a matter of a few days - I'm about halfway through and I always put it down in the midst of laughter. she really is one funny bitch, I gotta tell ya. I wish I could meet her... I feel like we would be best friends. and if not, I would just openly stalk her and convince her to be best friends with me.

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I rescued another kitten at work this week. well... I can't say that I rescued him, because my coworker found him, and is keeping him at her house until she decides whether she's going to keep him or find him another (yet still loving) home. we have stray cats at work that multiply like crazy, and we knew there were newborn kittens out there, but we didn't want to risk scaring the mama into leaving them. well, it turns out, she did that anyway - cause Renee found this little guy all by himself.

wittle milk face! love it!

he's about 3-4 weeks old, and is extremely dehydrated, has a bad upper respiratory infection, and a head wound from being attacked... but other than that... he's pretty healthy! I went through the same healing process when I rescued Bear, so I was happy to help Renee take care of him at work - yesterday, we got him drinking some kitten milk and using the litter box. I tried to feed him the milk through a little bottle, but he has a lot more teeth than Bear did, and consequently, tore the nipple right off the bottle with those chompers and got milk everywhere, hahaha. and today he was eating soft kitten food and drinking water. he's making slow progress. oh, and I guess I should mention how fucking ADORABLE this cat is - he's ALL black - I mean black fur, black paws, black lips... everything! he has big giant ears and resembles a bat, so I suggested she name him Bruce Wayne, after Batman... but she's still deciding.

I'm really happy that I'm not the one who found him, because Hubs would KILL ME without second thought if I brought home yet another feline.

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I made a big trip to Home Goods a few weekends ago, but I have yet to post pictures of my goodies. I need to get on that. let's just say that I got approximately a bazillion things for about $185, including something that lights up, something that smells good, something that shines, and something that reflects. promise I'll take pictures and post them soon!

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we finally have all our new lights/fans installed that we bought from Lowe's a while back, mentioned in this post. see what had happened was... we took down all four lights that were in the kitchen, dining room, and entry way... we were ready to get them all installed... and with each light removed, we discovered gross, brown, rotted looking wires.

paint color = Grape Leaves by Behr = LOVE


I decided right then and there that I was NOT hooking up any fixtures to faulty lighting and possibly burning my house down. so we've been waiting for an electrician to be able to come out and check it out. they finally came this week, fixed the problem and installed all our new lights. SO, since we haven't had lighting in the kitchen, we haven't really been able to finish the sanding and the rest of the work that needs to be completed in the kitchen. I tell you what... next house we buy will have my dream kitchen in it... because this damn room has been the biggest headache. it's bad enough just trying to find the TIME to do with our busy summer schedule, but then when we DO have the time, we have to prep and remove everything from the room and blah blah blah. P.I.T.A.

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ANYWAY. I have a sleeping Bear on my lap right now. he's like my little mini-heater. I still can't believe how much he's grown. he was a little 6-7oz baby nugget when we first brought him home, and now he's fully grown and crazy as ever. you'd never know he had/kinda still does have the balance issues. he's so active, and SO funny. I'm convinced that he thinks he's human.

I mean look at this face. how can you not be completely in love with him?
so handsome. I love his grey nose. I just wanna poke it and go "boink!"
I'm weird. I know. I've learned to accept it.


Happy Friday!

I apologize for any misspellings and/or improper use of grammatical terms. my Ambien is kicking in. ;)

her confidence is tragic, but her intuition magic

it's random thoughts time at TBNT!

five words I hate to hear:
- "bestie"
- "tat"
- "taint"
- "crunk"
- "porno"

five words I love to say:
- "fuckerbitch"
- "facetious"
- "lyric"
- "cunt"
- "vase" pronounced with a long "a" sound.

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do mosquitoes actually do anything productive? is there any grand reasoning behind their existence? someone, please let me know. because I hate them. I'd really like to just walk around with mosquito netting draped around my body at ALL times.

sexy, huh?

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my purpose in life is to answer my one life long question: how do blind people know when they're done wiping?

I'm sure there are ways to do it beyond sight (obviously... there HAS to be), but I'm honestly curious to know what these skills are. do they own a sniffing dog? do they smell the toilet paper themselves? this is in no way, shape, or form meant to be offensive to those with no eye sight whatsoever. it's just something that has plagued my mind for YEARS, so I thought, who better to ask than my lovely readers?

and don't act like you don't look at the poopy toilet paper when you're done wiping... you gotta make sure your ass is clean, yo! well... maybe not for you fancy pants out there with bidet toilets.

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I'm really really disappointed at all the recently canceled TV programs. let's be honest here... I'm a TV junkie, and I've mentioned this fact many times on this blog. and it just so happens, that I watched a lot of the shows that were canceled this year already, and some from last year. proceed below for the list:

The Cleaner


Accidentally On Purpose


Cold Case


Flash Forward


Law & Order


Mercy


Raising The Bar


Life


My Own Worst Enemy




RIP to some of my favorite shows. I love you all for one way or another. you've treated me well over the season(s) and you will be truly missed.
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I often think about the origin of letters and words and why they sound the way they do. for example, who decided what the letter A would look and sound like? why doesn't it look like an A, but sound like an S? who looked at a chair one day and proclaimed "this will be called a chair!"? it's insane how much I try to figure this stuff out, and it's crazy if you really think about it long enough... what if all the letters in the alphabet sounded like something else? that shit boggles my mind.

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insomnia sucks. between being busy with work, and being high on Ambien by the time I get a chance to blog about anything, I haven't had a chance to get to Wedding Wednesday yet today... whomp whomp. I'm go to attempt to half ass for sleep's sake, but if it's horrible, I'll put it on my list of things to do for tomorrow.

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oh yeah - GO FLYERS!