let's talk reality.

as I've mentioned before, I am a complete reality TV junkie. seriously, I can't get enough. they could create a show that highlighted someone's normal office job and normal boring life... and I would fucking watch it. I guess it all stems from my constant need to be nosy... I love reading/watching about other peoples' lives and to think about what I would do in a certain situation or with a different challenge.

anywhozits, I watch a LOT of reality TV - you name it, and I guarantee that I've probably watched at least one season, if not on a regular basis. my top 3 shows that are airing right now are the highlight of my week. I figured I'd share my opinion on the current going-ons of those shows. since I know you care about my brutally honest and sometimes offensive opinions.


#1. Project Runway. now I'll be the first to admit that I am extremely FAR from being a fashionista. in fact, the most fashionable piece of clothing I own is probably my wedding dress and a killer pair of green heels that I've NEVER even worn. but oh do I love Tim Gunn and his "make it work" ism. this season is pretty crazy, and I have to say, I'm not surprised that Heidi is pregnant again. I feel like I haven't watched a season of PR without a pregnant Ms. Klum hosting.

as I stated a few posts ago, Amy and Seth Aaron are my current faves. Seth Aaron's personal style really calls to me. I love all the black, and the zippers, and the funky patterns. it's totally me, and I would happily wear ANY of the designs he's created on the show, especially his latest. the challenge was to create a fashionable outfit for a child, and then of course Tim Gunn sprung on them a little twist: to create a coordinating adult outfit. I love the jacket, and the pants with the metal detailing. and if I'm being completely honest, I kinda sorta want to own the kid's hoodie too.

Amy is a little more subtle, but still isn't afraid to put her shit out there and take risks... like last week's nightmare outfit she designed. oh lord. now I don't mind the kid's outfit... in fact I would probably wear a sweater like that. but what was she thinking with those pants? I wish she would have made them into a skirt... at least then the movement of the fabric wouldn't be all over the place. don't get me wrong, I've loved her past ensembles, but this one... was just... whack.

here's a look at her gown from episode 4 (which she won). I need to OWN this dress.

as far as personality goes, I am infatuated with Anthony's laugh. he is such a trip, and reminds me so much of an old friend. his diva attitude makes me laugh out loud during every episode, and I love his back story - just a regular gay man growing up in the south with a passion for fashion. I also adore his winning design from week 5, that will be worn by the one and only Heidi Klum on the cover of an upcoming Marie Claire.

all images are courtesy of Lifetime.

the only person from PR Season 7 that I really can't stand is Mila. she just annoys me. she complains that she doesn't fit in, but maybe it's because she's old and acts like she's got a stick up her ass. she just seems so stuck up to me, and her designs are the same old geometric patterns. ugh, I hope she goes home soon.

#2. Shear Genius. even though it's a semi-new show, I've been hooked since Season 1. and for the record, I fucking hate Tabitha. I think she looks like a dog and she's bitchy.

this season, Amy and Jon are my favorite so far. I like Amy, cause she's young and her hair looks awesome. I find it hard to trust a hair dresser who has shitty looking hair... kinda like I don't trust skinny chefs. she hasn't been doing too well on the show lately, but I'm confident she can turn it around. here she is rockin' it during episode 4's short cut challenge:

Jon is just hilarious - he reminds me a LOT of a guy I dated a few years ago, who is now a really good friend of mine. well he reminds me of him... minus the homosexual factor. he's really goofy and expressive, which I love. I loved his finished look for the elimination challenge on episode 2 - the challenge was to create a hair style based on a dish - his dish was scallops, and he conveyed his vision perfectly through the model's hair.

I'm SO glad Adee is gone - he was a really cocky hairdresser from London, who couldn't even mix color because back at home he has an assistant to do that for him. what an ass. HATE HIM. I'm also not a big fan of Brig - she's just weeeeeird and a little too confident for someone who hasn't done very well in the competition. and her hair is HIDEOUS.

all images from Bravo.

#3. Bad Girls Club. I cannot even express my love for the trashiness that is this show. 7 slutty, nasty, fighting, trashy, classless females all living in a house together in LA? don't miiiind if I do! the drama that ensues is incredibly hilarious, and it's hard to believe that girls like these actually exist in our society (and sometimes it's kinda sad). I don't really have a favorite this season, cause they all get on my nerves in one way or another, but let's face it - BGC is like a train wreck. you just... can't... look... away.

I do find it necessary to mention that I'm fully convinced that Natalie is an actress... because there is nowayinhell someone actually acts like she does... running around telling people she "runs LA" (just because she dated/is dating Chris Brown) and that she's rich as a celebrity, and thinks every man wants her. not with that Jay Leno chin, hooker.

images courtesy of Oxygen.

oh, oh, oh... I just found her bio on Oxygen's website. get a load of this shit:

"A spunky self-proclaimed socialite, Natalie enjoys cruising in her sugar daddies’ expensive cars and painting the town red with her cool celebrity friends. With a degree in Sociology, Natalie operates her own fashion boutique in Northern California. This flamboyant rebel proclaims to 'run LA.'"

doesn't she just SOUND like a giant douchebag? yeah, that's what I thought.

so. that's my recap on my current 3 fave reality TV shows. trust me, there are many more, but those are the only ones I'm really passionate about right now. I'm also watching the newest season of The Biggest Loser, but since that hasn't been on since the Olympics started airing, I kinda forgot what was going on, haha. and The Amazing Race is awesome as well (team Jeff & Jordan, btw)... but it just started so it's kind of hard to judge who I hate. for now.

I hope everyone has a fabulous weekend! I'm having a much needed girls night tomorrow night, and I can't wait to see some of my favorite ladies!








PS - 25 days til my birthday! ;)

Wedding Wednesday - V. IV

so sorry for the lack of blogging this week. I've had a fucktastic tooth ache thanks to a past root canal follow up failure on my part (surprise surprise)... leading to yet another root canal in my future. I'll expand on that issue in another post, cause it's Wedding Wednesday, bitches. how many of you are sick of seeing my wedding pictures already? no one? really? AWESOME. to see past WW installments, click riiiiiiiight here.

since this week has me a little down about my teeth, I'm going to post pictures from the wedding in which I am cheesing like a fool. let me just tell you this - aside from the one tooth that has been a complete nightmare, I pretty much have perfect teeth. they're nice and white and straight, and I love to show em off. it's just this ONE damn tooth that I've ever had problems with - it's the only tooth in my mouth that has EVER housed a cavity, despite the hundreds of gallons of soda I have consumed in my lifetime. can you tell I'm a little bitter? I'd also like to add that I'm a wee bit vain... hence the pictures of only myself this week. ;)

WARNING - this will be a long post of pictures. there's just too damn many, and who could blame me? I was pretty fucking excited.

okay - onto pictures! as always, all photos are credited to the lovely and talented Jen, from JLowe Photos. If you'd like to see more of her work, feel free to visit her blog here.

seeing my flowers for the first time caused a whirlwind of emotions. fo sho.

mimosas ALL morning long? don't mind if I do!

this was right after our photographer turned us around to see each for the first time. pretty sure I creamed myself seeing him in his tux. wowzas.


hot sweaty mess, this girl.





this is my gorgeous, fantastic, amazingly talented photographer, Jen Lowe.

hot mess, indeed.

I look dumb ass shit in this picture, but I'm still cheesin.

PS - that's my dad in the picture. he's a dancin' machine.

I hope everyone elses' weeks are more pleasant than my own! happy Wednesday! I promise I'm going to try to blog more often now that I have a tooth solution and some antibiotics to help with the pain (hopefully).

peroxide stings, fyi... and a little TMI.

maybe it's just me, but Sundays don't feel like Sundays without football. and maybe it's just me, but I totally don't give two shits about the winter Olympics. I mean I get the whole "support your country's team" and all that jazz, but I don't care enough to sit down and watch every.single.fucking.event. it's just not exciting to me at ALL.

it's been a pretty productive weekend in the MandeeFoFandee household. Sean went to the Wizards game Friday night, so I took advantage of my alone time by watching all the DVR shows that he prefers not to be forced into seeing, aka Project Runway and 4 episodes of American Idol. speaking of Project Runway, I'm loving the challenges this season! Amy is definitely my favorite so far, as well as Seth Aaron. I'd be happy to see either of them win.



Saturday, we met with the accountant for my company so he could do our taxes. it's our first year filing jointly, so I was kinda excited about it (nerd? yes). turns out, we should be getting a good amount back and may even qualify for a bigger return since we installed new windows and insulation in the house... now I just have to find the invoices to see how much of the possible $1500 write off we can get! we spent the rest of the day being lazy and watching shows on DVR, including the new episode of Spartacus Blood & Sand. love.this.show.

now onto the point of this post. sometime during the day on Saturday, I had an incredible itch... coming from my butt crack. now I'm not talking about deep in there near the balloon knot or anything... but just right at the top of my butt crack. so naturally, I rubbed/scratched it until it stopped itching. well later on in the evening, I stepped outside to smoke a cigarette and sat on our front step. all of a sudden, I felt a really sharp pain... in my crack. so I reached back there and touched the area that was itchy earlier... ouch! I came inside and informed Sean of my ailment. I asked him to look at it, which he clearly hesitated, haha. so I turned the living room light on, pulled down my sweatpants (fact: unless I leave my house, I wear sweats ALL weekend long), and spread em. okay, it's not like I put much force into it, but a little spreading had to be done. after looking at my ass for a good 10 seconds, I hear

"EWWWWWW! it's all pink and raw! what the fuck did you DO to your ass?!!"

trust me - if there was someone else there to examine my ass, I would have surely asked them instead of my husband. immediately I pulled up my pants and told him to forget it and I'd just take care of it myself. which I did. with hydrogen peroxide.

so I went into the bathroom, and for my husband's amusement, left the door open. I pulled my pants down just passed my ass cheeks and sat in the sink... poured some peroxide on a cotton round and squeezed it so that it would run down my crack. OUCH. I started screaming like Thurman Merman when he cuts his hand making Bad Santa's wooden pickle. it was bad. instead of comforting me in my moment of extreme pain, my husband whips out his cell phone to take a picture of me. lovely.

Thurman Merman & the Wooden Pickle

I was determined to clean the crap out of the house today, but when I woke up, I was feeling SO lazy. I laid around for a while, until Sean came in the living room armed with the Swiffer Wet Jet in hand. I figured if he's gunna start cleaning, I should probably help... otherwise I know I'd hear about it for a month. so I did the dishes, wiped down all the kitchen counters and the stove. then I tackled the bathroom - wiping down the sink and the toilet, and then scrubbing the tub. Sean took care of the living room... sweeping and Swiffering, and then vacuuming the couch and pillows. I'm so happy I got off my ass... I love hanging out in my house when it's spic & span.

Bear loves clean couches as much as his mama does.

I took a 2 hour long nap after our cleaning spree, and then woke up to Sean baking cookies. apparently I married Betty Crocker. this man loves sweets more than any chick I've ever met. I gotta give it to him though - the cookies were deeeelish.

nom nom noms.

in case you're wondering, the butt is healing nicely. it's a little scabbed today, which is good. yes, it still hurts, but I'm done with that peroxide noise. I also told Sean that if he told anyone or showed his cell phone pictures to any human being, I would be filing for divorce... after our tax return, naturally.

so. how was YOUR weekend? any butt injuries?

this is what Ambien looks like

feels like I'm watchingsomething in 3D. everything keeps moving around on the screen, but it's not video. wtf! I was perusing yourtattoosucks.com and I swear that some of them were comin' for me. that Canadian Elmer Fudd looked pissed.

there's a Bear claw sleeping at my feet, and I'm watching Porject Runway. the lights on the runway are buggin' me outtttt big time. I feel like it's strobe light central up in this joint. and there's little kids on the runway! woooooooaaah, that's gunna be a good episode. I'll recap my thouhgts on that tomorrow... after I watch it soberly. myhead feels heavy. goodnight.

Wedding Wednesday - V. III

For the first two installments of WW, click here, and here.

I'm feeling a little lovey dovey this week... things have been a little sour at work, and Mr. MandeeFoFandee has done a pretty good job of keeping me sane and laughing. He's even been doing a lot of things around the house to help me out, including some grocery shopping and dusting. so, to honor of all that mush, I'm going to post pictures of the groom from our wedding day. plus, this one will be more pictures than words, since I'm pretty busy at work today.

As always, all photos are credited to the lovely and talented Jen, from JLowe Photos. If you'd like to see more of her work, feel free to visit her blog here.

I love the drunk pictures from the end of the night. makes me so proud. hims so handsome.

Happy Hump Day!

thirty-five...

... days until my motherfuckin' BIRTHDAY!

I'm so stoked for my birthday, and I don't even have any plans yet. in case you can't do math really well, my birthday is March 23rd. I had my golden birthday last year (I turned 23 on the 23rd if you don't know the term), so I'll be blowing out 24 candles this year.

I get a little nervous as I approach my mid-20s. I guess it's because it's THAT much closer to 30, and I'm not ready to be 30 yet, damnit. I don't know, I just feel weird about it. next year I'll be turning 25, and that means I'm really a grown up, since I'll finally be able to rent a car and my car insurance will drop it's rates. I don't wanna grow up, I'm a Toys R Us kid. I feel like I will no longer be able to get away with doing anything irresponsible, and that scares the shit out of me... not that I'm an irresponsible person to begin with... but the fact that I don't even have the option of doing something AND getting away with it makes me mad. I want people to take me seriously and respect me, but I don't want to have to be 24 or 25 for it to happen. Catch 22 I suppose.

I don't usually ask for much for my birthday. usually I just want some peace, quiet, and relaxation... and maybe something I can't afford to buy for myself. ;) just maybe. normally, I just get a few friends together for dinner out and then drinks back at my house. for my 21st birthday, I celebrated with a few of my best friends in the one and only MIAMI. it was, by far, the best birthday I've ever encountered. I'm hoping to do it up big again for my 25th... Vegas maybe? whatever. let's just concentrate on this year for now.

this was the night of my 21st in Miami - right after my first legal drink... which just happened to be an Irish Car Bomb. FML.

the hubs has already bought me tickets to see Chelsea Handler the weekend after my birthday in Washington DC. supah stoked about that - I love Miss Handler and I own both of her books, My Horizontal Life, and Are You There Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea and they were equally hilarious reads. since I didn't really ASK for the tickets though, I asked if I could trade them in to be my V-Day gift instead... and that I could ask for something different as my birthday gift. nope, I'm not spoiled or bratty at all. promise.

I would totes go lez for Chelsea. she's hilarious, AND has a smokin' body.

so, he obliged, and the ONLY thing I can really think of that I want right NOW (but I don't want to pay for) is to finish my ongoing tattoo sleeve. I hate having unfinished ink on my skin, for I feel like I have to explain it more since there's not much dimension to it. since most of you are unaware of my what my sleeve is, and what it represents, I'll share. just for you. and you too there in the back.

when I first decided I wanted to start a sleeve (yeaaars ago, and totally against my then boyfriend's wishes... but he's my husband now, so what's he gunna do? divorce me? I don't think so), I knew I wanted it to be cohesive. this isn't meant to offend anyone, but I just really didn't want it to be a bunch of random pieces put together, and I'm not saying that it's a bad idea to go that route, but it's just not ME. I'm far too OCD for that shit. so I contemplated different ideas until I came to the final decision - Maryland. "that's it," I thought... "I'll just get a sleeve to represent my state, my hometown." and so I searched and searched and Googled til I couldn't Google anymore, for the perfect photos to use to represent my home state on my left arm.


I came up with a design I thought would work well on a section like an arm - I would collect a bunch of smaller images of things that represent Maryland as a state (or what people think of when they think of "Maryland") and then have my tattooist place them all in a way to show them off individually, even though they're really all grouped together. I hope that made sense. I took an Ambien a little while ago, and I think it's starting to kick in a little bit.

ANYWHOOZITS - I chose the following images for my sleeve:
-the Maryland Blue Crab (duh)
-crab knockers
-Old Bay Seasoning (which isn't JUST Maryland, but you can't find it north of here or south of NC and it's the main ingredient used when cooking Maryland Blue Crabs)
-Black Eyed Susans (state flower)
-checkerspot butterfly (state insect)
-Baltimore Oriole (even though they suck, they're still the state bird)
-a banner with the words "Maryland, my Maryland" displayed (state song)
-the white oak leaf (state tree)
-the outline of the state, which would also feature the flag on the inside
-the one and only Edgar Allen Poe, who was actually born north of here (I wanna say Philly or Boston?), but he died, and more importantly, WENT CRAZY, right here in Murrland.

so whatever - that's what I came up with, and I have to say, it's probably the best idea I've ever had and it ended up being exactly what I had in my head - something cohesive, meaningful, and beautiful.



so far, I only have the outline done, which took about 3 1/2 hours to complete. I've been putting off getting the shading and color done due to finances, but since I have a freebie gift coming up, that's what I'm asking for. I want it done before summer so I can actually enjoy the sunshine without having to cover it up to avoid sunlight. enough talking, here are a couple pictures of what's been done so far. I apologize in advance for the first few - they were taken with my cell phone. apparently I couldn't find my camera and I had to take these pictures rightthefucknow.

and now a better picture, taken by my lovely best friend, Laura:

please keep in mind that it is NO WHERE near being finished yet! I still have both shading and color sessions left, as well as filling in the background with traditional stars and dots. I cannot wait to have a finished masterpiece.

happy birthday to meeeeee sometime in early April!