I often stare at him in the middle of the night, after I've crawled into bed way past my bedtime. my eyes adjust to the darkness, and even though I'm exhausted, I want to stay awake even longer just to gaze at him. I want to memorize every feature of his sweet sleeping face.
I would give anything to freeze this moment - the way he breathes through his mouth and has a slight snore... a trait he surely inherited from his daddy. he stirs and makes little baby noises, but as soon as his tiny hands find and grasp his soft lovey, all is right with the world. he falls back into his slumber.
I want nothing more than to roll over with my back to the middle of the bed, so that I can sleep peacefully. but instead, I stay facing the middle and scoop him into my arms. I bring him to my chest, the cavity in which he fits perfectly, his head on my arm and his long, chubby legs curled into me.
my heart aches knowing that these moments are numbered. the day will come when it's time for him to sleep in his crib, and these secret cuddles will be a thing of the past. he will be in his own space and I'll sleep with my back facing the middle once again. well, let's be honest... I will lay there and stare at him on the monitor until I finally drift off.
he stirs again. I rub his back, kiss him along his hairline, and whisper in his ear, "I love you so very much, little seal." and when we wake together in the morning, he will leave a sugary sweet layer of baby sweat on my arm. I want to remember this time together forever.