Friday, December 3, 2010

Reverb 10 - December 3rd

December 3: Moment.
Pick one moment during which you felt most alive this year. Describe it in vivid detail (texture, smells, voices, noises, colors).

I think the moment of 2010 when I felt most alive was the night I had my very first training session with my personal trainer. it was only one evening, but it was probably the most important hour of my entire year.

I remember being really nervous for several reasons... one, I really hate going to the gym because I feel like everyone is going to watch me and criticize me. two, because I have NO idea what I'm doing in terms of working out, especially using the machines and knowing what muscles I'm working. I felt like I was going to look like a giant dumbass. actually, I was convinced that I was going to make an ass of myself one way or another. I'd be the girl to fall off a treadmill or drop a weight on the floor, for sure.

I walked into the gym and asked for "Jamie." the teenage boy behind the desk points to a short little [older] woman with grey-blonde hair and tells me "oh, she's right over there."

I walked up to the woman who would change my life, and said "are you Janie? I'm Mandee."

"uh, no, I'm JANIE, with an N, but it's nice to meet you."

awesome. I couldn't help but think to myself, "wow, you've been here for 83 seconds and you've already made yourself look like a fucking idiot... good job." I apologized and blamed it on the teenage boy behind the desk, since he didn't bother to correct me. she said not to worry, she gets it ALL the time and she usually forgives people pretty quickly. whew.

we went into the office and sat down to discuss what my goals were in joining the gym and paying for training sessions. I pretty much told her that I just didn't want to feel fat anymore - I wasn't happy with my body or my level of activeness, and I was sick of it. I was tired of putting it off and I needed to make a change. we agreed that it would be best if we met twice a week and that I should do some sort of cardio exercise on the days that I'm not training.

we then left the office and out into the main gym area, where there were many other people working out... running on the treadmills, cycling on the stationery bike, and using the machines and free weights. I remember feeling very intimidated... like "gee, I could NEVER do that stuff."

Janie got me on the treadmill and the elliptical, just to do some warm up exercises to get my heart rate up... which, by the way, I still hate to this day... getting my heart rate up, that is, not the treadmill or the elliptical. you can read more about the actual workout experience in this post. just so you know, I didn't fall off the treadmill. and I didn't drop any weights either.

I think I consider this day to be my most alive feeling moment of the year, because it's completely changed how I look at myself. it's changed my lifestyle into a healthier, more active one, and I'll never forget that first day with my trainer. I don't see myself as being fat anymore. now, don't think I've gone and lost 20lbs or anything, because I haven't. to be honest, I haven't technically lost much weight at all, but you know what?

I FEEL great. I'm losing inches, and I can see it, as well as feel it. I'm getting SO much stronger. I don't struggle with my workouts like I used to, and I'm consistently impressing myself (and my lovely trainer) with the amount of weight I can lift, or the number of push ups I can do, or how long I last during an endurance exercise. I actually look forward to working out, even on Mondays, because I know how awesome I'll feel at the end of the day.

I feel like a brand new person now in terms of my confidence level. I know I still have work to do on my body, but I'm okay with that - it took a long time to put the weight on, and I know it will take even longer to get rid of it. but knowing that I'm not just sitting around being lazy and that I'm actually working to change the way I look makes me feel SO good about myself. I feel great, health-wise and I know that I'm doing the right thing by working out a few times a week and watching what I eat more closely.

so, I don't remember what I smelled, or what I heard, or what textures I experienced that day, but I recall how I felt, and I felt alive. I felt like my life was changing right before my eyes and I knew that from that moment forward, I would be a different person.

No comments:

Post a Comment

I love getting comments from readers, so thank you for being so awesome!