friendship

originally written 07.25.10:

friend·ship

/ˈfrɛndʃɪp/ Show Spell[frend-ship] 

–noun

1. the state of being a friend; association as friends: to value a person's friendship.

2. a friendly relation or intimacy.

3. friendly feeling or disposition.

I didn't really know where to start this post. I still really don't know what I want to say... what else is new? I guess I've just experienced some eye opening moments recently, and I need to reflect on them. this might turn out to be a mish mash of emotions, but it's what makes sense to me right now. 

as we go through life, we make friends. we make good friends who are there to listen to our complaints and sorrows. we sometimes make bad friends who are selfish and show their true intentions over time. sometimes friendships don't work out, sometimes people drift apart, and sometimes friendships just aren't meant to last forever. 

and then... if we're lucky... we make best friends. those friends who not only listen to our complaints and sorrows, but they tell us when our venting is unnecessary and our worries are purely superficial. they love us for who we are, and they don't judge us when we make mistakes. they keep our promises and lend you theirs when they have something to share. they allow us to make an impact in their lives and do their best to impact ours in an optimistic and positive manner. best friends love you with everything they have, and they'd do just about anything for you... they becomes family. they always tell us the truth, and they sometimes have to be too honest for our liking. our friends are people we always value, trust, and look up to.  

sometimes we meet someone, and we instantly click with them, and you instantly have a bond with that person that cannot be compared to others. most of the time, it takes a while to get to know a person well enough to consider them a best friend... and sometimes that doesn't ever happen. friendships shape who we become, and they influence our lives in a bigger way than most people realize. 

added 11.03.10:

it's been a while since I've revisited this post of mine, and reading it now makes me feel even better about my decisions than it did when I wrote it months ago. 

I wrote this to get my feelings out regarding a friendship of mine that has dissolved due to unfortunate circumstances. this friend of mine has not been a very good friend to me in months, and since coming to this realization, I've discovered that I didn't have a healthy relationship with her to begin with. in all honesty (and you know I'm all about keepin' it real here), I feel as though a weight has been lifted from my shoulders over these last few months.

I've decided to let go of this toxic friendship for many reasons. we're at different places in our lives right now. I won't go into detail because it's not my business to tell, but I'll just say that I'm moving forward in my life, while she is at a standstill, if not moving backward. I'm in a very happy place right now... I've got a wonderful husband, a house of my own, and amazingly caring friends. unfortunately, she's not in a similar state of mind, and misery loves company. 

I've decided that I will no longer be that company. 

I will not argue over the most opaque situations constantly, and I will not defend myself when I feel that I've done nothing wrong, if only for the sake of fighting, because it's "healthy" to fight as friends. 

it is NOT healthy to fight with people who care about you. 

it is NOT healthy to call names and threaten and just be down right mean to someone you consider a friend. 

I refuse to justify myself to a selfish person. 

I will not subject myself to "brutal honesty" that is really only deep anger in disguise. 

I will not make myself vulnerable only to be badly judged and told time and time again that I'm a bad friend.

it's sad really, because I did cherish that friendship deeply once upon a time.

I want to make this clear - I do not intend for this post to be seen as bad-mouthing anyone. I won't lie - I hold a LOT of resentment towards my old friend, and there are things that have been done and said in the past that I can never forgive... that's something I need to work on for myself, and I know this. but I do think that she is a good person deep down... I just think she's lost inside. I will always care about her and I know that I will think of her often, as I still do today. 

I'm simply declaring that I will no longer allow myself to be emotionally involved in the friendship, or what used to be a friendship. I won't put anymore energy into something that doesn't allow me to grow in a positive manner, whether it be emotionally, physically, spiritually, or what have you. 

I deserve better. I deserve nurturing friendships with people who encourage me and support me. I deserve to be told that I am an amazing friend, because I know I am. I deserve to be cared about, regardless of whether it benefits the other person or not. I deserve healthy friendships with people who care about me and what's going on in my life. 

I deserve a friend like me, and thankfully, I have a great support system in a few other people who support my decision in this matter. it's actually pretty unbelievable how much BETTER my friends and relationships seem to me now that I've cut ties and let go. I've finally realized what it means to have great friends, and I know now that I've had them all along.