Reverb 10 - December 10th

December 10: Wisdom

What was the wisest decision you made this year, and how did it play out?

I decided back in September that it was time.  it was time to make a decision that would make me a different person for the rest of my life. I made the choice to become a non-smoker. 

I've been smoking regularly since I was about 16 years old - I've "quit" a few times in those 8 years, but never did I go longer than 6 months without a cigarette. this time, I knew I had to be serious about it. obviously, I quit for a variety of reasons, as there are never any GOOD reasons to be a smoker.

I was so tired of being out of breath all the time. I felt like I wasn't doing anything to improve my health by working out, when I'd be out of breath the whole time. my poor lungs would struggle to pump air through when I'd get my heart rate up. my chest would hurt so bad after working out, due to the fact that my lungs were NOT healthy at all and they couldn't keep up with me when I was being active.

Sean & I have discussed the possibilities of starting a family, and of course, it would be completely unacceptable to NOT quit before I got pregnant. science and history have proven how bad smoking is for people, especially unborn babies. my mom smoked while she was pregnant with me, and while I turned out just fine, I would never put my children at risk. I don't want to be that mom, either. I don't want to be the mom who smokes around her kids. I remember what that was like when I was a child and I absolutely fucking HATED it. 

I was so annoyed with all of my clothes and other belongings reeking of smoke. seriously, I would come home from a night out and my jacket or sweatshirt would smell like a damn ashtray, and it was disgusting. the same goes for my car - she smelled SO bad, because I would smoke the most while I was driving. and my hands... god, my hands smelled of smoke SO badly.

today marks the two month point since I quit smoking, and it feels amazing. now I say that my quit date is October 12th, but I cheated twice... alcohol makes it much harder to stay strong and the cravings are horrible when I'm drinking. the last time I actually smoked a cigarette was on Halloween night, but I actually QUIT on the 12th. so yeah, like I was saying. it feels great to be a non-smoker. I FEEL so much healthier and I know that I smell better too.

I used the Nicoderm CQ nicotine patches to help me with the cravings in the beginning, and I used them for the first four weeks. after that, I kinda kept forgetting to put the patch on every morning, so it seemed as if I just didn't need them anymore. I still get the urge every once in a while, but for the most part, it doesn't really bother me. sometimes I still miss it, only for the habit and the work breaks I would get every hour.

I'm happy to say I've stuck with my decision, and I plan on doing so in the future. I don't ever want to be a smoker again, and I'm glad I can say that today. it feels like freedom.