I think I need more cowbell.

the fever. I have it.

baby fever, that is.

I don't know what the hell happened. when we got married, we said we'd wait 3-5 years before we even started thinking about having a baby. even after we got married, I was pretty hellbent on waiting a while... we had a house to get in order and some traveling we wanted to do, and kids were just not in the forefront of my mind at ALL. I've never been the kind of person who wanted to be a mom... ever. I honestly didn't even want children until I met Mr. FoFandee.

it's not that I don't LIKE kids, but I'm not a very patient person, and let's face it - you gotta have a lot of that to have children. my patience level has gotten better through the years, but I still get annoyed by kids pretty easily.

so anyway. yeah, I don't know where it came from. maybe my clock is ticking? I'm only twenty-four, and I thought that shit didn't really kick in until you're much older. over the last couple months, I've just been wanting a baby... and BAD. I can't explain the feeling. a lot of my friends are having children, and it doesn't help that I have an adorable 2 year old brother (even if he IS an asshole sometimes). I just swoon when I see babies... and I know that Sean and I would be awesome parents, and I'm thinking it'll probably happen sooner rather than later. it also doesn't help that Sean is almost 4 years older than I am, and he's ready for children whenever I say GO.

obviously, I'm not gunna just go and get knocked up right away because my ovaries are telling me to. we want to take one big trip together before we decide to start a family, so I think the plan is to take a cruise to the Caribbean in the winter, and then go from there. I think I'll probably get off the birth control in the fall/winter/whenever my Nuva Ring runs out. I've been on birth control for about 8 years, so I'm sure it'll take a while for my body to get back to normal, but just in case it happens right away, I'm going to wait until we're absolutely ready.

we're in a good position financially, and I know we'll never truly be "ready" to have a kid (cause that's what everyone says), but I know we can make it work and still live comfortably. we've even tossed around the idea that I may be able to stay home with the baby for a while. we have a lot of money in savings, and Sean makes enough money to cover our mortgage, bills, and then some. I don't make a lot of money, and with the cost of daycare for newborns being so high, it wouldn't really make a lot of sense for me to work JUST to afford daycare.

and of course, I'm as terrified as I am excited. there are tons of things about pregnancy that scare the crap out of me. I have an extremely bad anxiety disorder, which I take a daily medication to control, so my biggest worry is that I won't be able to switch to a baby-safe anti anxiety medicine and it'll just come back full force. I'm sure there's something out there though. and obviously, regular pregnancy things scare me too - like stretch marks, and my belly button popping out, and breast feeding, and ruining my perfect boobs, and labor, and birth defects, and teaching my kids the right morals, and POOP and VOMIT and everything else.

:: instrumental picture break from all this seriousness ::

just in case you don't believe me when I say my little brother is adorable, check out some of these pictures.

getting ready for bed with "stawn" (Sean).

hangin' out on his SpiderMan couch. he LOVES that thing.

this was when he was going through his "mine" phase. everything was "mine" and you could NOT tell him any different.

loves giving his sissy kissies.

watching the cooks grill steak through the window at Original Steakhouse.

pumpkin pie. nom nom noms.

his cheese face. :D

pretty excited about the rake I got him for Christmas. he loves helping my dad out in the yard!

HAHA. he was "making fwogs" in his pants... meaning he was farting. and he was happy about it.

helping me celebrate my birthday at Cheesecake Factory. little ham!


so... that's where I'm at right now. it's been on my mind for a while, and we've discussed our options and our future plans, and having kids sooner rather than later is something we both want. like I said, I'm not going to be reckless and go out and get pregnant rightfuckingnow... we're going to take that cruise and see where we're at from there in the baby making thought process.

andplusalso, it's a bad idea to be following YHL, Enjoying The Small Things, withTWOcats, All Things G&D, and a bunch of other bloggers who have recently had babies. BAD IDEA. my ovaries are squealing with every picture.



PS - please tell me I'm not crazy in thinking that my little brother looks like the male version of Kelle Hampton's daughter, Lainey? am I nuts? am I weird for noticing things like that from other blogs? I guess my future kids are gunna have a whack ass mom.




PPS - if you know me in real life, or at least on Facebook, please don't mention this whole baby fever thing on there, k? it's not something I'm announcing to the world... well, I guess I am, but still. I don't want it to be a big deal and people asking me questions and shit. that's why I have this blog.

thankyouandgoodday.