Friday, January 22, 2010

It's Friday. Let's be random.

A little random never hurt anyone right? Well... maybe if she came with AIDS and baby daddy drama.

Random things I love. Here we go.

1. I'm pretty sure the only thing I love more than Fridays are football Sundays. Football Sundays consist of Mr. MandeeFoFandee and myself plopping ourselves on the couch (in our respective jerseys, of course - Ravens for him, and Redskins for me) and watching football all day long. Preseason, regular season, post season... doesn't matter, as long as it's a good game. Obviously I'd prefer to watch games in which the Redskins are victorious, but let's be honest... those days are rare. Sometimes it's just nice to have a day where you absolutely nothing.

2. Shoes. I love shoes. And I'm not talking about $300 killer heels that would likely cause me to suffer a broken neck. I'm talking about the Birkenstock sandals that I wore for years. Unfortunately, one of the cats had a little "accident" IN THEM and I had to toss them out - they were so worn out and beaten up that a toss in the wash would surely destroy them. They're not the cutest, but they're the comfiest shoes I've ever owned. I wish I could be the kind of girl who can just throw on a pair of heels to wear to the bar, but alas, I'm not. For one thing, I'm already pretty tall (5'-8") and I hate being taller than S in public. Two... I'm not the most graceful creature on the planet, and I trip over my own BAREfeet, so you can imagine what happens when I add a few inches. And lastly, they're just NOT comfortable for me, and I refuse to wear something that causes pain.

3. For as long as I can remember, I've had a strange affection for weird animals. While I adore cats and want to adopt every single one I come into contact with, I consider my top three favorite animals to be hippos, polar bears, and alligators. I'm not sure why, but it's true. I think it's because they're all really cute when they're babies. Hippos are freaking badass. Male hippos tend to keep their space bubble clear of intruders by flinging their poo at other male hippos. Polar bears are so cute and cuddly. Alligators are extremely cool to me... they've been around for thousands of years, and are still pretty high up on the food chain.

4. A good poop. This one is pretty obvious, and since it's not TMI Tuesday, I won't elaborate further... nor will I couple this with a picture.

5. Dead baby jokes. I know, I know, they're offensive, but I'm not exactly the most PC person on the planet, now am I? I think they're hilarious... maybe it's because I don't have kids, but I'm pretty sure that even if I gave birth to a little demon, I would still joke about why you put it in a blender feet first. I've always cared more about animals than I do people, and therefore I can't stand jokes that involve dead animals. I can't even watch freaking Animal Planet when the hungry lion is trying to catch a fleeing gazelle for it's cubs. But I can bet you $100 that if they had a show that concentrated on people (aka fucking idiots) who move to Florida in the everglades and then wonder why an alligator ate their small child... I'd be all up in that shit as long as they had footage of the attack.

Random things I hate. This could possibly be a long list.

1. People who move to Florida (more specifically, areas that are highly populated with alligators) and then freakthefuckout when their dog, cat, or small person disappear from their backyard. Uhh... what did you think was going to happen when you decided to move your entire family (including the tasty little human) to a place where this alligator has lived it's ENTIRE LIFE? Did you think he would just sign over the deed and let you have the property where he/she raised it's babies for years? No, bitch, I don't think so. And by the way, why was your dog or child out in the backyard alone anyway... especially when you're living in godforsaken alligator country? I should be an alligator activist. I'm pretty sure it would work out.

2. Shaving my legs. I'm so lazy when it comes to shaving. In the summer, and only if I'm wearing shorts, I'll shave my legs up to my knee, since the hair is pretty light above the knee. In the winter... you'll be lucky if I shave a total of three times. I'm very aware that it's pretty disgusting, but I don't care. It's too cold in the winter to shave (even in the shower)... plus, I think the hair helps me to stay warm. Don't judge... it's not like you have to touch them.

PS - don't ever Google Image search "hairy legs" at work. holy hairy vagina everywhere.

3. Cliche tattoos, specifically tramp stamps. I won't go into more detail, as I really don't want to offend someone. I know what you're thinking... "Mandee... being courteous?" I know, it's crazy. Consider it a happy Friday gift.

4. The alarm clock. If I could go back in time and stop anything from being invented, it would be the fucking alarm clock. I hate when I'm dreaming, and then all of a sudden, I hear this annoying noise, and I'm all like "whatthehellisthat?!!" in my dream... before waking up and realizing it's my alarm going off. I think people would be a lot happier without alarm clocks.
I know a lot of people are jobless right now, so I think it would be awesome to hire someone and have them wake me in the morning to the fresh scent of blueberry coffee and pancakes. I sure as hell would be a lot happier in the mornings.

Thank you, kind stranger! This is much more pleasant than waking to some annoying song from my cell phone.

5. While we're on the subject, I'll go ahead and add cell phones used as alarm clocks. You know how you get a cell phone, and you're listening for that perfect tone to be used for your alarm? It always ends up being the most annoying fucking sound your phone could possibly make, because you know it's the only thing that will get your lazy ass out of bed in the morning. Either that, or, cause you to throw your cell phone across the room when you hear it go off. Of course, I've neeeever done that...

Alright, that's all I got for today, folks. That was a lot longer than I expected it to be. Told you, I have a lot to say.

Happy weekend!

1 comment:

  1. omg you make me laugh.
    And thank you for stalking my blog :) I love hearing when people are in love with me LOL


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