round up: summer style for mamas.

now that I'm down about 20lbs below my pre-pregnancy weight, I'm having a lot of fun shopping for summer clothes. I actually bought a pair of actual shorts (aka not bermuda shorts) for the first time a few weeks ago. it's fun to shop for clothes now that I like the way I look... for the most part. I still have a lot of work to do, but I'm feeling more confident than I have in a long time. 

I'm adding a lot of small patterns and stripes to my closet (nothing new there), along with some fun colors of the season: coral, mint, navy, yellow (of the neon and mustard variety), aqua, and orange. since I will be chasing around a mobile baby and dealing with Maryland humidity, I'm all about simplicity - printed tanks, colored shorts/jeans and comfortable dresses. 

dresses: one | two | three | four | five | six

swimwear: one | two | three | four | five | six | seven | eight

tops: one | two | three

bottoms: four | five | six


what summer trends are you loving this year?

10 things that make me happy lately

1. the weather in Maryland has been fantastic. 

it's 75 degrees outside, but you can still feel that crisp chill of fall on the horizon. 

2. Dexter. 

this season is going to be amazing. I think Colin Hanks is a great addition to the cast, and I can't wait to see how he stirs things up. 

3. my hair is growing SO fast. 

I've been growing it out for a long time, and it's finally starting to get some length and I'm absolutely LOVING it. it's to the point now where I can pull it back without strays everywhere and it doesn't take TOO long to style. 

4. My Dear Watson Scentsy. 

mmmmm. smells like a well dressed man... I ended up buying TWO bars of it at the last party I attended because I knew I'd be burning it all the time. 

5. friends. 

we have a lot going on in the next few weekends and thankfully, they are all friend-related events. I've been feeling sooooo burned out with school and work, and spending time with good friends is such an outstanding break from the hustle and bustle. 

6. HOCKEY SEASON IS HERE. 

and yes, the caps are totally necessary.

[taken at the Caps home opener against the Hurricanes this past weekend]

7. these jeans from Old Navy that I talked about buying a few weeks ago. 

I have seriously been wearing them out! they are so comfortable and look great with everything - tee shirt & flip flops, sweater & boots, or a dressy blouse and heels. 

8. the countdown to Christmas. 

I know the holidays often stress people out but I love it. I'm the type of person who strives to give the perfect gifts, and this year will be no exception... only I'm taking the homemade gift route this season. I already have some ideas and supplies together, so I'll be sure to share that journey once I get started. 

9. listening to old CDs. 

and yes, I still listen to CDs. 

Kaley made me a bunch of mixed CDs to listen to on our way to Baltimore in the limo for my bachelorette party, and I've been reminiscing by giving them some time in the CD player in my car. let me just say... there have been entirely way too many solo dance parties in my car lately. 

10. Bvlgari Man. 

I got this in a sample size with my last Sephora order. I decided to choose it because Sean never really wears cologne, but I want him to, haha. it smells SO FUCKING AMAZING that I want him to bathe in it. and then I want to rape him. mmmmm yum, husband rape. 

Happy Monday! 

come on, Irene

I know, I know.
it's Eileen. 
I can't help it... it's stuck in my head and it just so happened to work with our lovely little hurricane.




so, here's my recap on that nasty bitch that hit the east coast over the weekend.


first, let me make this clear: I was scared. I've never experienced a hurricane before, and even though Irene was set to be a mere CAT 1, my mind immediately reverted to the tales of Isabel, which hit in 2003 (which, by the way, was lessened to a tropical storm by the time it hit Maryland, yet still completely flooded Baltimore and Annapolis and caused more then $800 million in damages) and left my town under water.


now... if I didn't own a home a mile away from the Chesapeake Bay, there's a good chance I wouldn't have been worried. if I didn't live on a peninsula, I probably would have brushed it off as "just a little rain and wind." but the fact of the matter is that I DO live on a peninsula in the Bay, and there is only one way in and out of my town, and I live on a crawlspace that is prone to flooding with more than 6 hours of steady rainfall. so yeah, I was freaked.


oh. in case you think I'm exaggerating... this is where I live:

when the severity of the storm became clear through weather reports on Thursday, I made the decision that being TOO prepared was better than not being prepared enough. so after work on Friday, we went over to Home Depot (along with the rest of the citizens of Maryland in it's entirety) to look for sand bags to place around our doorways. no such luck. so we then headed home to prepare the house by rounding up candles and flashlights. I also packed an overnight bag for us, in the case that we did get flash flooding and had to evacuate quickly.


the next morning we woke to grey eerie looking skies. I woke up before Sean did (must have been the anxiety, I'm sure), and took care of some exterior things, like moving the loose trash cans to the garage and cleaning up anything that would blow around in the wind. one of our neighbors stopped by and told us that he wasn't planning on sandbagging, and informed me that it would take a 9' storm surge for the Bay water to reach our house, which was a HUGE relief. he said that the one thing he was worried about was the tree situation, since the winds of 50mph+ would be strong enough to knock them onto his house. thankfully, we only have one tree near our house, and it faces the garage and not the main part of our home.


we took what we knew would be our last hot showers, and because we still knew that there was a very real possibility of being without power for a week, we took our chances and drove up to the store to get some supplies, even though we knew it'd be a madhouse. we picked up some water bottles, a few games and a deck of cards, and nonperishable food items to get us through. after filling the truck with gas and taking out some cash (for if we needed to go to the store and their credit card machines were down), we headed back home to hunker down for the storm.


I put our packed bag and some cat food out in the truck in case we needed to leave. I filled the bathtub with water to flush the toilet when we lost electricity, and then we parked ourselves on the couch and watched the coverage of the storm on the news. the storm ended up taking a slight turn east, which was great for us, but not so great for those north or east of us. the rain started at about 11AM and the winds began really picking up around 2-3PM in our area. we watched the storm progress throughout the day/evening and the power flickered on and off for a few hours. just as we finished eating our grilled cheese sandwiches for dinner at 7:30, we lost power for good.

we already had our head flashlights and candles ready, so we promptly got to work with an intense game of Phase 10, followed by a game of rummy, and some devouring of Little Debbie cupcakes. the winds got stronger, which was pretty scary to hear once the sun went down and it was pitch black outside. before it got dark, we did see that our neighbor's tree was knocked over before the brunt of the storm even hit us. around 10ish, we laid in bed and read for a while... Sean fell asleep first, but I was too riled up to sleep, especially knowing that the worst of the storm wasn't expected to hit us until about midnight. I finally fell asleep around 1 after a thorough checking around the house, discovering that we had no trees or flooding yet.

terrible cell phone self portrait. 

I woke up a couple times throughout the night listening to the wind whipping around the house and the sound of the rain, but overall I slept through pretty well. I woke up right as the sun was coming up and walked around the house to make sure there were no damages. looking out the windows, I could just see branches and leaves everywhere, and a only little standing water, which was a relief. after walking around outside, I realized how lucky we were. not one branch hit our home, and although our crawlspace flooded with about 12" of water (which was expected), we were very fortunate in that it didn't make it's way into the house or the garage.


we opened all our windows on Sunday to keep the house ventilated and drove around the see what kind of damage other areas suffered. right down our street, there was a HUGE pile of trees sitting on a power line, so we knew the source of our power outage. luckily the main roads were clear, but there were several smaller back roads that were closed due to flooding and downed trees/wire. after having lunch, we went to my brother's house to pick up a generator for the fridge. my only concern about losing power was having our food spoil. after we got that all hooked up, we headed over to my dad's house (who, amazingly, didn't lose power at ALL) to take hot showers and have dinner with family.


having no electricity has not made Bear feel different at all. he's still doing mostly this. 

we finally got our power back this morning around 3AM, and I feel lucky that we even got it back that soon. there are still thousands of people without electricity right now, and hundreds that are dealing with insurance claims and damages to their homes. BGE is estimating that mostly everyone in our area will be restored power by Saturday. compared to the photos I've seen of the northeast, we made out pretty well. I'm grateful that we were as prepared as we were and that we remained safe.


sheesh. I know, that was really long, but I really wanted to make sure I documented our Irene experience thoroughly in order to remember it. it's a shame that it occurred at night, or I'd have pictures to show everyone. even though Irene was not as forceful as the weathermen predicted she would be, she still did a LOT of damage!


ANYWAY. did you experience Irene's wrath at all?

fall fashion inspiration

there are not many things I love more in this world than hoodies. and pumpkin pie. and leather boots. needless to say, I love dressing for fall... layering fabrics, patterns and prints. comfortable and chic is the look I attempt to achieve when it comes to fall clothing. 


I've pinned a couple different Polyvore sets and fall fashion images to my Style board on Pinterest to help me get inspired so that I can concentrate on a few key items to purchase for my closet this season...

source

source

source

source

source

source

source

this year it seems that I'm really drawn to... deep purples, navy, and mustard yellow (of course), flare jeans, stripes galore, feather accessories, mixing metals, and fun prints. I'm going to keep my eye for a great pair of flares, a scarf or two, a brown leather handbag, and a few tops. maybe I can also convince the hubs to get me a nice gold watch too. ;) 




fashion or otherwise, what are looking forward to this coming fall?

tidbits & updates [long post]

grrrr, I caught a chest cold at some point in the last week or so and have been at home in bed for the last 2 days. thankfully, I'm feeling MUCH better and am back at work today. woo! so... now for some updates on what's going on lately... 




SCHOOL
I started fall semester courses last night. I will be taking classes on campus this semester for the first time in 5 years. I'll be at school three evenings a week... Monday nights (Drawing I) from 6-9:45 and Tuesday/Thursday nights (Physics... barf) from 7-8:15. Sean is taking classes on Tuesday and Wednesday evenings, and he also has season tickets to Ravens home games, which means that we'll really only see each other and spend time together on Friday and Saturday nights until December. super sad face about that. 


I'm really nervous about the physics class. in high school, the highest level of science that I took was biology, because it wasn't a requirement to take anything further... which means that I never took chemistry or physics or any of that. the instruction is on light & sound, which makes total sense for my degree, but I hope it's not as scary as it sounds. 


the drawing class, on the other hand, is going to be a lot of fun. I went and got all my supplies last night, which included a couple 18x24 size drawing and newsprint pads, a bunch of different kinds of charcoal and graphite pencils, and other tools such as erasers and a portfolio to carry everything in. I wish I would have held onto all my supplies from years ago, and I would have saved a lot of money, haha. the main project in the course is the homework portion, in which we have to do 7-8 drawings a week in our sketch books, totaling up to 100 drawings at the end of the semester... which means my social life can pretty much be thrown out the window. I think it'll be interesting to see how the quality of the work changes from now until December. 




READING 
thanks to vacation, I've been on a roll with getting through my to-read list. I just finished Firefly Lane by Kristin Hannah over the weekend, and can't wait to review it. while at the beach, I also finished Uglies by Scott Westerfeld, and am now reading the second book in the series, called Pretties. I'm glad I scaled back my goal for the Good Reads Challenge, because I'm right on track. I'm extremely proud of myself for reading so many books thus far, and I have no doubt that I'll reach my goal of 35 by the end of the year. 


here's a list of what I've read so far this year... 


1. Water for Elephants - Sara Gruen
2. A Scattered Life - Karen McQuestion
3. The Help - Kathryn Stockett
4. Hunger Games - Suzanne Collins
5. Catching Fire - Suzanne Collins
6. Mockingjay - Suzanne Collins
7. 19 Minutes - Jodi Picoult
8. Something Borrowed - Emily Giffin 
9. Something Blue - Emily Giffin
10. Baby Proof - Emily Giffin
11. Matched - Ally Condie
12. Delirium - Lauren Oliver
13. Love The One You're With - Emily Giffin
14. Dead Reckoning - Charlaine Harris
15. If I Stay - Gayle Forman
16. Where She Went - Gayle Forman
17. Homer's Odyssey: A Fearless Feline Tale, or How I Learned about Love and Life with a Blind Wonder Cat  - Gwen Cooper
18. The Short Second Life of Bree Tanner - Stephanie Meyer
19. The Book Thief - Markus Zusak
20. Lies That Chelsea Handler Told Me - Chelsea Handler
21. Uglies - Scott Westerfeld
22. Firefly Lane - Kristin Hannah 



KITTIES
Skillet went to his new home on Friday night. I'm going to be honest. I may or may not have cried a little bit. he was that poor little sick cat that, at one point, was being medicated for three different illnesses and had to be quarantined in my bathroom. he grew to be such a little lovebug, and therefore, I grew VERY attached to him. and while I'm very happy to sleep past 5AM without a little purring, I miss him SO much. I know that his new mama will take good care of him, and I look forward to getting updates and watching him grow. 


the other kitties are doing well, with the exception of Pheobe, who is still on eye drops for a little conjunctivitis that she received via Skillet. her eyes are looking much better than they were last week, so she should be off the meds soon. Bear seems to be ecstatic that Skillet is out of the house, and relieved that he is no longer the object of playful torture from a little kitten. 




HOUSE
not a whole lot of updates on the home front. the table we bought from IKEA is still in a box waiting to be put together, which will have to happen soon since I'll need the space for art stuffs. we did finally order roman shades for the windows in the kitchen and dining room, and since they were all custom sizes, they took 7 weeks to arrive. they showed up at our door last week, so hopefully we'll have time to install them this weekend. 


I also want to take time in the next few weeks to get more things on the walls. I have a mirror and a few prints that I bought a looooong time ago that I want to hang in the living room. photographing the gallery wall in the entry wall is on my to-do list as well... especially since the frames actually have prints and photos in them now. 


now that we're not constantly taking care of kittens, we should be able to get quite a lot done inside. what I NEED to do is make myself a list of things that need to be completed in each room and start attacking one room at a time. I'll put "list making" on the to-do list. ;)




HEALTH
as of the 12th of August, I am 10 months smoke-free, and it feels AMAZING! I honestly don't even think about smoking anymore, unless I smell it, and in that case, I think nothing but "GROSS." I still can't believe that I was a pack-a-day smoker for so long, and that it completely ruled my life for years and years. 


I'm still eating pretty healthy... not perfect, but much better than I did a year ago. we eat at home most nights, but will treat ourselves to a meal out about once a week/every two weeks. I very rarely eat fast food anymore, and it upsets my stomach if I do have a craving for a greasy burger. when we eat at home, we eat mostly quick meals like breakfast (eggs, bacon, toast), pasta (usually salad, ravioli, garlic bread), or chicken (marinated chicken with fresh/steamed veggies). we have a bunch of regular recipes that we stand by during the week and usually introduce new things on the weekends. I drink 1 cup of coffee and 1 20oz soda everyday, and other than that, it's water ALL day long. occasionally I'll have a cup of sleepytime tea at night. 


with both of us in school, I'm not sure how dinners are going to work. I brought a sandwich for dinner tonight, but I know that's going to get old pretty fast. if anyone has any easy to-go dinner ideas that don't require heat, they'd be much appreciated! 


as far as exercise goes, I'm sad to say that it's pretty much non-existent. I do work up a sweat doing things around the house, and I've been pretty busy running errands on weekends, but I'd hardly call either of those things true exercise. although because I'm eating healthier and not being AS sedentary as I was before I started my workout program, I've maintained my weight... so while I've not lost any, I haven't gained any either. 


so even though I still eat fast food once in a blue moon, and I'm not working out as much as I should be, I FEEL great, which is the most important thing. instead of coming home and sitting on my ass most nights, I try to do things around the house or stimulate my brain with words instead of mindless TV. don't get me wrong, I still watch TV at night, but I feel much more active in taking care of my home, and my mind and body are grateful for it. 




EARTHQUAKE
this just happened. please never ever let me feel one again. at first I thought a military plane was flying over (I work right outside of DC and next door to Andrew's Air Force Base), but then I realized that I didn't actually hear the plane, and that the floor was shaking. and then my desk... and then the walls. and I looked outside, and the cars in the parking lot looked as if they were bobbing along in a body of water. my heart is still pounding and I may or may not have peed myself a little bit. 






ummm. so I guess that's it, I think. I figured I'd write up a little post for you guys full of updates, since it seems pretty rare that I actually dive into those subjects here lately. I'm sure you'll be hearing MUCH more about school though, since it's sure to rule my life for the next few months!


on a completely unrelated note... is anyone else ready for fall weather? I'm ready to decorate my house in warm colors, and I'm excited for boots and hoodies! 


Happy Tuesday! 

Caps + snow + renovation update

welp, the Caps lost again last night, making it 7 in a row now. we still had a great time at the game despite the loss, but it was definitely disappointing to walk out of Verizon after losing.

our seats were great, but when the teams came out for pre-game practice, I quickly realized that we were in puck flying zone, and I was MORE than terrified that I'd end up getting hit in the face with a puck. I was scared for my life, I'm not gunna lie. I made sure to tell Sean to watch out for me, because I have a delayed reaction time when it comes to those kind of things. luckily, I was safe and no pucks made it over the net to our seats. 

 from our seats before practice started (section 115, row x)

hello, my loves. 

yikes, my hair is lookin' rough. but he's cute in his pea coat! ;)

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OH, and guess what I get to look at all day?

that's right - we're finally getting a decent amount of snow here in the DC area, and I couldn't be more excited! now, ask me again how I'm feeling when I'm driving home tonight, but for now, I'm happy. I love the snow... as long as we're not getting multiple feet of it, of course. I'll be content with just a few inches on the ground... just enough to make it look pretty. 

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also - the contractor's are juuuust about done with the kitchen in our house, and I can't wait to share it with you guys. it's been a long journey with this room and we ended up cheating and just paying someone to do the work because we just couldn't find the time to complete it. I'm so happy with how the kitchen looks now. I'm going to try to take pictures tonight, but I might wait til the weekend when I can get some good light (and a good cleaning!). 

they're also working on replacing the ceiling that caved in a few months back, so things are kind of a mess right now - we have an oversize chair and ottoman in the kitchen and baker's racks in the living room! I'm not digging the chaos, but I know it'll be worth it when it's all finished. I can't wait to have my home back to normal! 

 this is what my living room looked like when I got home on Tuesday =/

Happy Thursday!

PS - if you're joining me from the ALMOST Friday blog hop, welcome! 

have a look around, take a seat, and grab yourself a drink. enjoy!

slacker alert!

I haven't been posting as often as I usually do - I'm so sorry! I've been really busy at work, and at home... I haven't even uploaded pictures from the Caps game that was almost two weeks ago! I may or may not be a little bitter that my man Ovi was suspended during the game for a COMPLETELY JUSTIFIED HIT.

but don't worry - Wedding Wednesday is still in the works for tomorrow (yep, I just heard your sigh of relief), and I have some pictures of an extremely cute baby to share as well.

and maybe a post on babies. just maybe. and NO, I am not knocked up - and if I were, I would be chugging a beer as I type with a cigarette in the other hand. kidding! but I have been thinking about pregnancy lately (it probably has something to do with the fact that pretty much EVERY woman I know is either pregnant, or has had a baby recently), along with the pros and cons of little humans in general. the consensus says I'm not ready and won't be for quite some time, so don't get excited just yet.

anyway, I hope everyone is having a good start to the week - the weather was beautiful here in DC today, and it's only supposed to get warmer as the week goes on! I hope it remains warm for my birthday celebration that's taking place this weekend.

oh, and my birthday is exactly one week away. I just added this glue gun to my Amazon wish list. cause I neeeeeeeedz one, and this one seems to be the Bentley of glue guns.

it has some excellent reviews, and it's made by 3M, and let's face it, they're pretty fucking reliable when it comes to adhesive projects. am I right, or am I right? anyone have any other recommendations when it comes to these multi-tasking wonders? let a bitch know!

Happy Tuesday!

tidbits

Dear Olympics,

Thank you for being over. don't get me wrong, I'm patriotic and shit, but I'm so ready for NHL hockey to be back! I can't wait to watch the Capitals play from section 114 this Saturday. I finally get to rock my Ovechkin jersey I got for Christmas. wooo!

Love,
MandeeFoFandee

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Dear Spring,


hurry.the.fuck.up.

source

Regards,

Sick Of Winter

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Dear Face,

I would really appreciate it if you would stop breaking the fuck out all the time. You never bothered me in my teen years, and you didn't start acting all wonky until the past two years or so. I'm working on finding a skincare regiment that works for you, but it doesn't really help when I can't tell what is and isn't working due to having mini skin breakouts ALL the time. I would especially appreciate it if you could clear up before my birthday celebration on the 20th... where there is guaranteed to be cameras galore.

Always,
Annoyed With My Skin

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Dear Creator(s) Of Spartacus Blood & Sand,

THANK YOU for the deliciousness that is Andy Whitfield, and for the mass amount of penis shots during the show. I'm sick of seeing boobs on TV... and even though Mr. MandeeFoFandee hates it, I enjoy seeing a good looking man with his junk hangin' out every once in a while. andalso, if you could somehow convince Andy Whitfield to come to Maryland and visit me, that would be amazing. oh, and the premise of the show is pretty sweet too. ;)

Love,
Andy Whitfield's #1 Fan EVAR

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Dear Pottery Barn,

It would seriously make my entire year if you could please drop the price of the Samantha Bench... for my entryway. I would gladly pay full price for the item, if it weren't for the fact that the bench alone is $400... and then I have to buy the cushion for $75, and the baskets for $34 a piece. yes, I realize I could make my own cushion and buy the baskets elsewhere, but damnit, I love a total package. I just want to finish my entryway. is that too much to ask?

Sincerely,
Refuses to Pay Full Price for ANYTHING

________________________________________________

Dear Lily,

You are one hairy bitch. I'm so sick of vacuuming "your spot" on the couch every single weekend. You should really start sleeping somewhere else. This is a time when I'm SO glad we decided to not let you and your brother and sisters in the bedroom any longer. I can only imagine how furry our bed would be. Next time I try to brush you, stay still. Then I won't have to yell at you while vacuuming every Saturday.

Love,
Yo Mama

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Dear Andy Whitfield,

Have I mentioned that I love you? seriously. I would even let you go ATM if you wanted. that's how hot you are. orrrr that's how obsessed with you I am. whatevs.



Your Future Wife,
MandeeFoWhitfield



Happy Monday, bitches!

the bane of my existence.

unless you've been living under a rock, you're probably aware that the Mid-Atlantic got pummeled by 2+ feet of snow this past weekend. unfortunately, I live in Maryland, and so that snow hit me, and it hit me hard. it's nothing new to us now - we've accumulated close to 5 feet of snow total this entire winter season.

pardon my French, but this shit is fucking crazy. we live in one of those areas where it (normally...) just does NOT snow... and if it does snow, it's only a dusting, and more of a pain in the ass than something that could be considered "pretty." for some reason, this year has been the year of snow for the Mid-Atlantic region.

aaaaand I'm over it. but since you may not live here and get to experience the gloriousness (aka complete weekend ruiner) that is being snowed in, I figured I'd take some pictures to share with you.

I couldn't get my camera to focus to save my life. this was at the beginning of the storm.

taken from our balcony - smack dab in the middle of the storm. roads run along the guard rails in front of the house, although you can't tell because there's about a foot of snow on the ground.

taken from our balcony - my poor car covered in snow during the storm.

opened the garage to find this.

hubs' poor car.

neighbor's car.

I went out and attempted to shovel. it lasted all of 2 minutes before I retreated to the house... breathless. haha, at least I got the steps done!

... and this was about 30 minutes worth of Sean's shoveling. look how deep that snow is!

aaaand that's the other side of the driveway, that still has to be shoveled. =/ whomp whomp.

Dears Of The Day

Dear Lane Bryant,
I am not plus size. Please stop sending me catalogs. You're not helping my self esteem.

Regards,
Not Super Skinny, But Definitely Not A Big Girl

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Dear AT&T,
Your map commercials are fucking annoying. I don't really swoon over Luke Wilson to begin with (and Owen too, actually), so thank you SO much for confirming my hatred for him by paying him what I'm sure is a ridiculous amount of money to tell bold faced LIES regarding Verizon's coverage.

Sincerely,
Faithful Verizon Customer (& proud owner of a DVR so I can fast forward through your ass)

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Dear underwear,
I know I'm not helping you out any with the continuous growth of my rear end, but please stop cutting off my circulation. There are only a few of you left in my "these can still comfortably fit" pile, and I'd like to wear you all again eventually. I promise I will not replace you with (*gasp*) large size garments. just please be patient.

Love Always,
The Ass In Which You Wish To Cover

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Dear Insomnia,
please.fuck.off.

MandeeFoFandee

_________________________________

Dear Pheobe,
Stop being such a little whore to Bear. It's to the point now where he walks (kind of swerves, really... he's special) in the opposite direction when he sees you coming. He knows that you're going to growl at him and try to claw his eyes out. You should know better.

Regards,
Your MOTHER

PS - stop sprinting into the bedroom every time I open the fucking door. you know I'm just going to chase your ass until I can grab you and throw you back out. you never win at this game. give it up.

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Dear BGE,
While I take great pleasure in your service, especially the heat which keeps me warm during these frigid months, I would greatly appreciate a little warning the next time you want to ASS RAPE me with a $428.00 electric bill. Last month's $415.00 bill was fucking awful, and so I've been watching our electricity use closely this month... even turning the heat down a few degrees when I leave for work... and yet my bill goes up. I would really prefer at least some lube and cuddle time next month.

Fuck off,
Your Loyal Customer, Who Will Never Get Ahead Thanks To YOU

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Dear Pistachios,
I love you, despite your ability to royally fuck up my stomach. Keep being delicious and irresistible.

Love,
MandeeFoFandee

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Dear Dad,
I know you have an incredibly terrible relationship with your girlfriend/baby mama, but honestly... it's not my fucking problem. Not only did you choose to move this crazy bitch into your home, but you then had unprotected sex with her, resulting in my little brother. Wyatt is amazing, and the coolest little kid ever, but keeping her around for his sake isn't really helping him much. I've given you the SAME advice for years, so please don't expect any sympathy when she goes on a crazy rant after a week's worth of normalcy.

Your Only Daughter,
Mandee

PS - I could really use a raise. See above RE: my electric bill.

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Dear New Orleans Saints,
Please, for the sake of baby jesus, beat the shit out of the Colts this weekend. I am so sick of Peyton fucking Manning and the god damn Colts. Make them your bitches, Saints.

Yours Truly,
Devoted Redskins Fan, Who Has Come To Terms With NO Superbowl In My Future

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Dear Mother Nature,
you win.

Soon-To-Be-Snowed-In,
MandeeFoFandee